It’s okay, I feel bad sometimes too. Though I’d rather do something about all the wild sues running around in the fandom and most of these people whose OCs are on this blog wouldn’t listen so…
Name: Crystal Hoplyne
Hopelyne…? What kind of last name is that?
Age: 16
Description
:Height: 5’1” foot
Hair: long brown hair, normal tied up in a ponytail or birded .
Eyes: Dark Blue
Skin: Pale skin
Style: she normal wears her state military uniform with the black Briggs coat with white fur on the collier.
Wait.
She’s sixteen.
Why the hell is she at Briggs of all places? Wait, nevermind. Why is she even in the military to begin with?
Also, what the hell is a “collier”?
When she is not in military clothes she loves to wear jeans
Do you see anyone in FMA wearing jeans? No? Okay then.
Be mindful of the time period and setting, people!
or skirts with thick tights and long over the knees socks and boots. She wear lots of jumpers to keep warm in Briggs also she has a long red and blue coat for when she travels to Centre. She loves to wear the colours red, black and blue also white at times.
A coat that is long and red. Gee where have I seen that before?
Personality: She is a fun loving person and is a little hyper at times but serious when she needs to be , She is a hard worker, she is sassy and quick to make mad, little things in life please her.
This is such a cliche it’s not even funny. No other flaws then her temper? Don’t even start me on the “fun/hyper but serious when she needs to be” part.
Equipment: She carries a rack sack with all the normal things side clean clothes, food, water bottle. Her note books and pencils and gloves.
Abilities: Crystal is know for her ice and water alchemy that her mother passed down to her.
Another water alchemist.
Isn’t that just swell?
History: Crystal was born in her mother and father’s house in west Centre. Her mother was a water alchemist and left the military after fallen pregnant with Crystal; this was shortly after her marriage to Crystal’s Father also State Alchemist.
Um…I’m not entirely sure how military laws work, but I wouldn’t be shocked if there was a law in FMA stating that State Alchemists can’t marry each other. Just saying.
Her mother and father met when they were put on a mission together; they hated each other at first the feel in love after a few dates.
This makes what I said seem even more likely. The military is strict; they wouldn’t take the chance of something like love to getting in the way of missions.
Crystal had a normal childhood growing up with her mother and father. Her father was a way most of the time on mission, and her mother stayed at home teaching Crystal how to read and write, and also about the starts of alchemy and specially water alchemy, witch was pass down on the female side of her family.
Why the female side? Is this a response to the lack of female alchemists in FMA or what?
When Crystal turned 5, she started to go to a privet school for girls in Centre she also started to take up horse riding.
When Crystal turned 7 sadly her mother died of cancer. When her father found out about his loved wife death he could not cope and he went missing on a mission. He was found 4 months later in Briggs he was taken back to Centre and fell deep into his work. After that, Crystal Uncle K’las and Auntie took her own as their own, as his was what her mother had wanted if anything happen her, untill her father was ready to have her back.
Almost everything you did above would have been forgivable (except for maybe the age thing) as long as you kept out the wangst. But nooooooo…every OC just has to have something dramatic/tragic happen in their pasts.
If you seriously think that your character needs that tragic event to be interesting, take some character building lessons or something.
(For the record, I have no problem with characters who have rough pasts and such ‘cause hey, that’s how the cookie crumbles sometimes. I just get frustrated when they already have enough to potential to be interesting without all of the drama in their luggage.)
Crystal still went to school and K’las became her alchemy teacher, completing the alchemic training Crystal’s mother had started with her some years ago.
When Crystal turned 11, her father came back to her. At first Crystal did want to go with him, but after a few months of living togheter she was happy and carried on going to school and staying at her uncles when her father was on missions, so she also kepted up with her alchemy training.
When Crystal was 13 she went walking woods where a tree had fallen down thought a storm a she had panic being scared of storms the tree landed on her left arm witch she was trapped for 1 hour. Her left arm was was broking in a number of places while recoving she had the time to read and study her alchemy like never before she become very good at ice alchemy.
Why exactly was the last paragraph relevant?
When Crystal turned 15 her father was transfered to Briggs; he had asked Crystal if she wanted to come with him and she could become a trainee State alchemist which was a dream come true to her as she wanted to become a state alchemist.
Crystal had been at Briggs just over a year. General Armstrong took her as another soldier and demands her a lot of effort to be sure she will be self-sufficient and become a future great soldier.
…the fuq? Why would a fifteen year old girl ever be allowed in Briggs? The whole “gets treated like another soldier” excuse to make it seem better doesn’t make it any more believable. Even when you look past the pretty much non-existent chance of Olivier allowing it, I doubt the Fuhrer would allow it too unless it was for a special circumstance. (Like Ed.) They aren’t just going to let some random girl into a military base that is crucial to protecting the border, even if she’s an alchemist and the daughter of an officer.
Actually Crystal spends most of her time with Buccaneer. He took her on like a little sister in some way, and he’s one of the persons that trains Crystal since Buccaner knows perfectly how to take advantage of automail’s benefits on Briggs weather.
Crystal still gets into troubles a lot, but she knows how to get out of a tight spot when needed with Buccaner.
No. No. No.
I doubt Buccaneer would be buddy-buddy with your OC. He believes in the survival of the fittest law just as much as Olivier does and would probably object to a kid being at the base too. (Didn’t he do so with Ed? Or is my memory failing me?)
So, one day, she met Elric brothers when they arrived to Briggs
Of course.
I should have saw this coming.
But that doesn’t make it any better.
